


a spectrum of narcissism

by neverlxnd



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Denial of Feelings, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, M/M, Oblivious, only a little
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-05-01 17:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19182571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverlxnd/pseuds/neverlxnd
Summary: Kun purses his lips, "I hope for your sake, you wrote kissing on the list of things you won't do.""I did, I don't want to be explaining to Johnny why I want to kiss him while he's trying to win a bet to prove I don't have feelings."Alternatively, Ten makes a bet with Johnny that he's capable of loving someone who isn't himself, the only problem is that the only other person he's capable of loving is Johnny.





	a spectrum of narcissism

**Author's Note:**

> i'm strongly contemplating if i want to post this, i'm not very good with keeping chaptered fics moving. if the response is good to this chapter?? we'll see what happens
> 
> enjoy<3

It happens on a rainy Wednesday morning. Ten never really appreciated Wednesdays. They are too close to Monday, but it could still be the middle of the week, it made him anxious for the weekend.

 

“Are you a narcissist?”

 

Ten wracks his brain, closing his eyes for extra concentration on filtering his memory for the word. _Narcissist_.

 

Ten turns to Johnny, his expression is close to unbothered, the smoke from their shared blunt filtering through the air in a tight-closed wave, “What did you say?”

 

Johnny groans, “I don’t want to repeat myself.”

 

Ten rolls his eyes, snatching the blunt from Johnny’s fingers. The boy turns offended towards Ten, sighing before leaning back on the battered couch. Ten looks around Johnny’s basement. “If you don’t, I _will_ throw this weed away.” Ten takes the blunt in his fingers and hangs it in the air, away from the couch and hanging it over the fuzzy carpet where it will, potentially, meet its doom.

 

Johnny springs up from his slouched position in the cushions, the boy’s eyebrows raised in terror. “You wouldn’t,” Johnny narrows his eyes. Ten nods with a comical smile. “ _Fine_. I just—I’ve noticed you’ve never really been in a relationship before.”

 

Ten looks up at the ceiling in thought, dodging Johnny when the taller tries to reach for the drug.

 

“You’re always going out on dates, but I haven’t seen you come out with a boyfriend yet.”

 

Ten supposes that it’s true. He’s gone on plenty of dates, the majority of them happening during his college days, but even now, working full-time at Neo corporations, he still manages to go on a handful of dates, not one of them being a potential boyfriend. Ten makes a face of distaste before handing the blunt back to Johnny, “What’s your point?” Ten asks.

 

Johnny shakes his head, clearly too caught up in taking a hit. The taller blows out a cloud of smoke, smiling to himself in appreciation before turning to Ten and saying, “No point.”

 

Ten slumps against the couch. “You’re lying,” Ten mumbles. Within the 5 years he’s spent being friends with Johnny, Ten knows that when he lies, there’s always an awkward quirk to Johnny’s lips in the corner. Nobody else has seemed to notice, but being Ten, he noticed it on a night that was meant for hushed conversations and a movie marathon. He couldn’t help but think of how cute it is.

 

“You ever think that you might just be too in love with yourself?” Johnny suddenly asks. Ten looks back at Johnny with a glare, wondering where the _hell_ that had come from. It’s not like Ten wasn’t expecting someone to call him out on his bullshit, he was only hoping that person was _not_ going to be Johnny. “Maybe you haven’t fallen in love because you love yourself.”

 

“You could not be more right,” Ten hums with a satisfied smile. He spreads his hand out in front of him, his fingers reminding him of a frog’s hand, “Listen, not that I don’t _not_ love myself, I just think it’s important to set specific standards for yourself and who you want in your life. What’s the point of getting to choose who you love and marry if you can’t set standards?”

 

“Isn’t the concept of being in love that you _don’t_ get to choose who you love? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you can’t exactly choose who you fall in love with, it just happens,” Johnny begins to draw circles on his thigh, Ten follows the smooth pattern of his fingernail against his jeans.

 

_You’re right._

 

Ten hums, taking his eyes off of Johnny’s travelling fingertip, “Yeah, you’re wrong.”

 

“Also, that’s a little shallow,” Johnny giggles. Ten tries not to think about wanting to hear the melodious sound, though he’s sure he’s wished for that multiple times on his drunk rendezvous nights, “You want to date a specific person, but that’s limiting your perspective on some pretty great people that could be in your life. Romantic, or not.”

 

“Is that so wrong?” Ten snaps, plucking the joint from Johnny and inhaling the drug. Ten blows the smoke out, albeit a bit aggressively before crushing the last of the joint in Johnny’s ashtray on the coffee table. It’s one Ten had gotten the older as a gag gift, skulls and marijuana plants plastered all over the glass, but Johnny’s kept it since.

 

Johnny cocks his head and shrugs. “It could be. What if you die alone? Or _worse_ , with cats.”

 

“You asshole!” Ten slaps Johnny on the shoulder, a strand of hair falling into his face. Pushing the piece back into place, he continues, “I’d rather have cats than someone who could drag you to hell and back, but still end up staying with them.”

 

Realizing what he said, Ten widens his eyes in shock, a blush coming up to his cheeks in embarrassment. Johnny chuckles, but in a way that Ten knows is drained because he is always hyper aware of everything about Johnny. He hears the underlying hurt in Johnny’s laugh and the distant look in his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, that was…” Ten mumbles, looking down at his shirt. He plays with the hem and the few strings that are beginning to unravel, probably due to moments like this.

 

Johnny shakes his head and clears his throat, clearly not wanting Ten to feel guilty. It’s always been that way with Johnny. “Listen,” Johnny suddenly smiles, “How about a game?”

 

Ten shoots him a look of confusion. Johnny isn’t one to let his emotions weigh him down, especially when it comes to his past, but Ten finds it odd how quickly he’s put a smile on his face.

 

“What, like red dead? I thought you only had grand theft auto—”

 

“Not that kind of game Ten,” Johnny rolls his eyes and smiles. It’s the kind of smile that Ten likes to see the most, right next to Johnny’s ‘ _spilling pure sunshine rays_ ’ smile. “It’s more of a bet, actually. I chalk myself up to be your exact definition of the type of boyfriend you want, specifics and all, even down to the _clothes_ you want him to wear.”

 

Faster than Johnny had begun talking, Ten doesn’t like the sound of this. It’s one thing to keep himself from throwing his feelings towards his best friend every second of the day, but it’s another to pretend that Johnny is his _boyfriend_ and _not_ throw himself at him. It sounds like deal with the devil, and Ten thinks it might _actually_ be just that.

 

“You can tell me what I’m doing wrong, what I need to fix. However,” Johnny pauses, a smirk on his lips. “If I can’t make you feel anything towards me, sexual desire or romantic, then you win.”

 

“That sounds dumb,” Ten snorts, although he’s not sure if it’s convincing. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice or doesn’t seem to care as he’s beginning to trace characters in hangul in the air above him, not that Ten can make any of it out from this angle.

 

“I’m just saying, I don’t think you’re capable of loving someone else.”

 

“And I’m just saying, you need to prioritize your money spending, the last thing I saw in your fridge that was actually edible was leftovers from Doyoung last week,” he chastises. For a moment, he begins to pick at his shirt again, “I just haven’t met the right _person_. I don’t exactly meet prince charming’s every day,” Ten says.

 

“That’s why I’m suggesting _this_. I want to see if you’re _really_ that picky, or if it’s a narcissist thing,” Johnny grins, his cheek cradled in his hand that’s supported by his elbow on his thigh. Ten watches Johnny in the silence, he hopes that when Ten looks at every imperfection and beauty mark on Johnny’s face that the older presumes it’s just Ten looking for any sign that this is a joke.

 

Ten’s silent for, what feels like minutes but what’s in reality, seconds. Johnny’s watching him with glossy eyes, most likely from the weed, and a lazy smile on his lips. In hindsight, Ten would have _never_ thought that when Johnny asked him to come over to smoke that they would be having a conversation about a bet that involves Johnny pretending to be his boyfriend.

 

“What’s in it for you?” Ten blurts. Johnny hums and Ten tries, he really does, to keep his eyes up and not on the thoughtful pout on Johnny’s lips. Johnny shrugs, “Bragging rights, ‘I told you so’?”

 

Ten shouldn’t. The whole ordeal is just another form of torture for Ten’s emotions and his affection for Johnny, but it’s so _so_ close to what he wants. It’s selfish, but maybe he deserves to be selfish once in a while.

 

“Fine, it’s a deal. If you win, I’ll buy your weed for three months,” Ten reasons, to settle the guilt in his stomach, or to even out their odds, he isn’t sure.

 

- 

 

When Ten agreed to meet Johnny for coffee after his shift, he was expecting the older to tell him that this morning was a drug induced decision, that Johnny was too high out of his mind to _actually_ suggest a bet like this. Ten, however, is always underestimating the situation. That, or the gods find it amusing to toy with him.

 

It’s exactly why he’s gnawing on his coffee straw while Johnny is looking at him with a warm smile and raised eyebrows.

 

“Well?”

 

Ten stops chewing and grimaces at his bitten-up straw. He sighs, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

 

Johnny rolls his eyes, “We talked about this, Ten. You tell me what your _perfect_ man looks and acts like, and I’ll be that.”

 

Ten weighs his options. The way he sees it, this could go two ways. Ten could go along with Johnny’s game, tell him what he wants and sit in paradise for however long it takes for Ten’s emotions to boil over and kiss Johnny.

 

 _Or_ ,

 

Ten could listen to Doyoung and Kun and tell Johnny that this sounds like a bad idea, that Ten can handle being a picky bitch. Either way, he’s at a loss.

 

Somewhere in the distance, Ten can hear Kun’s disciplining words.

 

Ten slumps in his seat, eyeing Johnny before answering, “I… don’t think this is a good idea actually.” When Johnny cocks his head with a pout, a question of _why_ hanging in the air, Ten continues, “How do I know you’re not harbouring feelings, or that I won’t catch feelings. I would punch you for ten dollars, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose you as a best friend.”

 

Johnny smiles, small at first and then all at once, then he’s laughing with his head thrown back against the cushioned diner booth. Ten suddenly remembers why he agreed to this _stupid_ deal this morning.

 

It’s Johnny’s smile. It’s in the way Johnny always keeps his feelings neutral when you tell him something, in the case that he doesn’t want you to feel pressured about anything. It’s Johnny’s kind _kind_ heart that could probably melt the polar ice caps in a heartbeat if he were in a mile’s radius.

 

“Ten, I think it’s sweet that you’re worrying about me and _my_ feelings.” Ten blushes and he hopes that Johnny can’t see it underneath the yellow lighting, “But I’m okay. And if you happen to catch feelings, then we can stop and give each other space. You won’t lose me, I won’t lose you.”

 

Ten seems to consider this. It would be fine, pretending to be boyfriends with Johnny, telling him what _exactly_ he wants in a man, but he _can’t_. Ten knows exactly how this is going to play out, he _will_ lose Johnny.

 

“God, this sounds like a cheesy rom-com, Johnny.”

 

Johnny leans forward on his elbows, “Does that mean I’m the protagonist?”

 

Ten thinks about days when he was busy stressing over exams, when he had trouble looking for a permanent job, minimal things like that and how he had taken hard times like those for granted because this, _this_ is much more painful and difficult. Just last week he had been crying over spilling coffee on his brand-new white t-shirt, call him dramatic but those were simpler times. You know, _prior_ to making the worst decision of his life.

 

“What do you say, partner,” Johnny looks at him expectantly, like a boy waiting for a fulfilled promise of snacks and candy. Ten wishes he had promised that instead of his heart.

 

Despite the several red flags and warning signs Ten can feel flooding his brain, he ends up agreeing to Johnny’s bet. While Johnny is busy getting paper and a pen from his bag, Ten thinks about what kind of dish he should bring next Thursday night for Doyoung and Kun, to avoid their wrath or to take the focus off of him and Johnny, he doesn’t know.

 

“I think it would be more efficient if we just write down what you want first, then add conditions,” Johnny murmurs, tapping his pencil against his bottom lip, capturing Ten’s attention.

 

Ten loses himself in the way Johnny begins to dig the eraser end of the pencil on his bottom lip, the plush skin bulging around the pencil. Ten trails his eyes up, following the strand of hair that had fallen from the rich brown locks that are bunched behind his ear. It takes gripping the end of his seat and harshly biting his lip to keep him from pushing Johnny’s hair back into place.

 

Johnny looks up from the paper and Ten’s breath gets caught in his throat. The older chuckles, gracefully tucking the strand behind his ear, “What?”

 

For a horrifying second, Ten almost says beautiful, but he catches himself just as his lips are forming the words. Instead he shakes his head and says, “Nothing, I just forgot how ugly you look with brown hair.”

 

Johnny rolls his eyes, returning to the paper to write while he says out loud, “ _No_ brown hair.” And Ten wants to slap himself because of all the colours Johnny’s tried, he _loves_ his natural brown the most.

 

Ten turns to look out the window, mainly to keep himself from falling into an abyss of Johnny’s features, but because it had begun to rain. He can sense Johnny’s gaze on him, for a solid and quiet moment in time Ten can feel it, until both begin to watch the rain fall. They watch the spitting droplets turn into bigger splotches and fall into the pot holes from the years of use from cars, waiting to be filled and create puddles.

 

“Anyways,” Johnny sighs, returning to face Ten, “Come on, let’s do this. What is your _perfect man_?”

 

Ten doesn’t hesitate. He begins listing subtle things he likes about Johnny, from the crinkled eye smile, to the tall build that Johnny was blessed with from birth. The only thing that Ten fails to mention is Johnny’s name. He knows Johnny is smart, but it baffles him just how oblivious the older can be. All of his friends have figured it out without a breath from him, Ten has yet to meet someone who won’t tell him to _stop staring at lover boy_ in the first five seconds they’ve met. So Ten really has no idea how Johnny can be this frustrating.

 

“I want someone who makes me laugh,” Ten hums, missing the endearing head tilt Johnny sends him. “But not too funny, he can’t be funnier than me.”

 

“Oh no, definitely not,” Johnny mocks a serious expression, his smile taking over when Ten leans over the table to hit him on the shoulder, “Anything else?”

 

Ten examines everything on Johnny’s face. Despite the amount of times Ten ends up observing Johnny, he never fails to find something new to obsess over. Johnny’s skin was never the clearest, but it was always the brightest. Not a day went by where Ten didn’t admire the natural glow to Johnny’s face, the beautiful and radiant vibrancy it holds. Ten still isn’t sure why Johnny doesn’t have nearly as much confidence as he should.

 

It strikes an idea in Ten’s mind.

 

“I want someone who doesn’t care about their insecurities.” Johnny slowly looks up from the paper, his fingers gripping the pencil. When Ten notices he has his full attention, their eyes locked and steady, he continues, “I want someone who is confident in them self. Who can look in the mirror and say that they love, not only me, but them self.”

 

Johnny nods slowly, his eyes still locked with Ten’s and in all of the years that he’s been fawning over the older, he’s never seen Johnny so entranced while looking at him. The older’s eyes are wide with wonder and there’s a shine in the most center of his pupil, his lips are slightly parted, and a bit glossed from licking them in their dry periods of time. It’s the same look that Ten’s seen from when Johnny was finishing his business degree. The same exact look where Johnny has meant to give his next project, his next obstacle all that he has and wants to take in everything.

 

Ten suddenly feels too tight from the warm intensity of Johnny’s gaze, so he stands and takes his coffee cup in his hand, “I’m getting another one, you want?”

 

This seems to snap Johnny out of his headspace, clearing his throat and turning back to the paper to write some more things down, “No, I’m good, thank you though.”

 

Ten takes his time in walking to the counter, he takes his time rethinking if he wants another iced coffee, or something else to spice it up. In the end, he orders another iced coffee, remembering that straying from favourites isn’t really his style. While waiting for his coffee, he admires Johnny’s side profile from afar, until he’s reminded that taking a break from the older is why he got up in the first place.

 

Once he has his drink and has his head less cloudy, (he took his time unwrapping the straw and slipping it into his cup) he feels energized and refurbished. With a soft pat, he plops into the booth and leans forward to see what Johnny’s writing.

 

“You know,” Ten suddenly breaks the silence, “If I didn’t know you in college, I would have never guessed you were a business graduate.”

 

Johnny looks up from the paper, raising an amused eyebrow, “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

 

“I don’t know. You just look like you should be working in a gym, or being someone’s healthy lifestyle diet planner,” Ten says with a shrug.

 

Johnny laughs, “Who knows, maybe I’ll go back and study kinesiology.” Ten snorts, “Sure.”

 

It’s too quiet than Ten would like, but before he can attempt to bring up a conversation, Johnny slides the paper across the table over to him.

 

“The contract is written up, sir,” Johnny forces a stern expression, folding his hands to lay on top of the table.

 

Ten chooses to look down at what’s written, instead of rolling his eyes and saying something witty.

 

**The Bet of Narcissism**

**This contract is to record and ensue the outline of Johnny’s requirements to be Ten’s boyfriend, as well as the limitations and conditions.**

 

Ten looks up at Johnny with a blank expression, “ _limitations and conditions_.” Johnny shrugs. This time, Ten rolls his eyes.

 

**Requirements for Johnny**

  1. **Johnny must not continue to have brown hair during the time period of the dating, nor shall he dye it back**
  2. **Eye-smile**
  3. **Good shoulders**
  4. **Johnny must make Ten laugh, but should not be funnier than Ten**



Upon reading the last requirement, Ten’s breath runs short.

 

  1. **Love himself, be confident**



 

Ten sort of wants to pat himself on the back for adding that, it’s worth a mention when he undoubtedly brings this up on with Doyoung and Kun.

 

**Conditions for Ten**

  1. **No kissing**
  2. **No hand holding**
  3. **Cuddle hours are up for discussion**
  4. **No expensive gifts**
  5. **No cheesiness**



**Failure to hold up these requirements and conditions will result in termination of the contract and the party who is at fault loses. In the case that Ten wins, he will receive free food for one month on behalf of Johnny Seo. In the case that Johnny wins, he will receive two and a half months of free weed on behalf of Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul.**

**Sign here XX**

Ten looks up at the older, his finger’s holding a pencil out to him with the same mock expression from earlier. With one last glance at the paper, Ten sighs and takes the pencil, signing the contract. It oddly feels like he’s signed his life away, but that could have to do with the fact that he might possibly be able to cuddle with Johnny.

 

“Why do I feel like I just made a deal with the devil,” Ten asks, mainly himself but Johnny laughs anyway, signing the paper when Ten hands it back to him.

 

“Maybe you did.”

 

“Speaking of the devil,” Ten suddenly remembers, “You have any idea where Doyoung went this past week? Kun said he messaged him at dick o’clock in the morning to pick him up from the airport a couple days ago.”

 

Johnny’s hand stills from where he was putting the paper and pencil back in his bag. Ten notices the subtle freeze and chooses not to make a comment. Instead, he’s genuinely curious as to where Doyoung would go and why he wouldn’t tell him.

 

Johnny opens his mouth to respond but closes it when the bell ringing at the front door captures their attention. Over his shoulder, Ten smiles at Jungwoo at the entrance and waves him over.

 

“Hey guys! It’s pouring out, I didn’t think I would see you here,” Jungwoo smiles, throwing his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket.

 

Ten admires the silk material for a moment before responding, “Yeah, we were just getting coffee and it started a while ago.”

 

Jungwoo raises his eyebrows, “Oh, did I interrupt you?”

 

Johnny is the first to speak up, standing up and throwing his bag over his shoulder, “Not at all, I was about to leave anyways, I have to work on a management plans presentation for the new trainees at the company. Let me know if you guys need a ride later, it doesn’t look like the rain’s going to let up anytime soon.”

 

Ten nods, “I’ll text you.” Jungwoo waves with a smile.

 

“So,” Jungwoo hums, leaning forward and resting his chin on his palm. Ten rolls his eyes, “Don’t.”

 

“You and Johnny, coffee and rain— sounds sexy.”

 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be? Babysitting children, annoying Mark?” Ten frowns, taking a sip of his coffee.

 

Jungwoo lets out a content sigh, leaning back, “I’m not scheduled for any shifts at the daycare today, and Mark’s on a date.”

 

This peeks Ten’s interest.

 

“With who?” Ten asks, setting his phone down on the table.

 

Jungwoo pouts while looking out the window in thought, “I’m not sure, probably someone from one of his new classes. Me and Taeil haven’t seen much of him in the apartment these past couple evenings.”

 

Ten shrugs, “My guess is as good as yours, it seems.”

 

Jungwoo nods, “By the way, how was the trip?”

 

Ten cocks his head in confusion, biting on his straw. He wracks his brain for any sort of recollection of a trip, but he’s sure he would have remembered if he went on a _trip_ somewhere. Jungwoo raises an eyebrow at him, clearly confused as well.

 

“You didn’t go?” Jungwoo asks, drawing out the syllables to puncture his confusion.

 

Ten shakes his head, “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about, but whatever it is, no I didn’t.”

 

Jungwoo’s eyes flash shock, as if he’s said something he wasn’t supposed to, but it’s only for a second. In fact, it’s almost too fast for Ten to catch, but he’s not sure if he’s lucky he catches it before it disappears and Jungwoo begins talking in an excited spiral about a new baby his daycare registered.

 

It’s not a good feeling and Ten has an inkling this has to do with Johnny. Ten never liked bad feelings and Johnny in the same sentence, not because of his own biased feelings, but because it’s just not possible.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you haven't, please vote for nct 127 on idol champ if you can :)  
> thank you so much for reading, your feedback means a lot to me<3  
> [cc](http://www.curiouscat.me/vfluttering)


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